Thursday, August 27, 2009

MRI was.....NORMAL!

That's right! I got a message on my machine today saying "Your MRI was normal, if you're still having problems you can come back for a follow up."

Thank you God!!!! That's who I'd really love to thank. I mean, I still don't know what's wrong with me- but at least I know what's NOT wrong with me, at least at this very moment!
Praise God!

I can't quite get my head around it. I have an idea about what I think is going on (the ocular migraine theory), so I might eventually follow up with the neuro-ophtomologist but it is so reassuring to hear that you have a normal MRI.
Thank you to all who have prayed.
Love you guys!!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Thank God that's over!

I can tell you right now that I hate MRI's. Hate hate hate! They don't hurt but they make you feel trapped and they make ridiculous amounts of noise. Plus you can't move a muscle the entire time you're in there (which is about 40 minutes!)
Anyway, I got my brain 'results' on DVD. Obviously I don't know what I'm looking at but the neurologist will explain what she finds to me hopefully very, very soon. I am going to be calling her tomorrow to set up a follow-up appointment.
As far as my brain goes it seems normal enough to me. I don't see any huge white mass or anything. On some shots there are some small white dots which could be totally normal or could be something significant...I don't know I guess we'll find out soon. I just want to know really.
I will keep you updated on when my 'results appointment' is. Thanks for reading guys. Please continue to pray.


Well here it is. Today I have the first major test of my entire life 3:15 pm. The biggest test I've ever had done, up until today, was blood work. As some of you know, I'm not crazy about doctors or anything medical in nature. I can't stand the idea of someone looking and analyzing my brain. I mean, it's MY brain. You only get one. I guess ignorance is bliss to an extent. It's like, I know something is going on- but I'm not sure I want to know what it is. I just want to know what it is not. Does that make sense?
I'm nervous about today, but not scared. It's just a test after all. I won't get the results back today. I'm hoping to get the results by the end of the week so I don't have to think about it all weekend. I know I'll be scared to death for that appointment. No doubt.
I've actually been doing fine today. I have cried just a little- after reading the comments people have been sending me on Facebook. I posted a quick thing saying I was getting an MRI today and it really made me feel better reading that people were praying and thinking of me. I normally read that kind of stuff and I think- yeah right I bet they won't pray. It's just a pleasantry. But I truly hope that these people really are praying. And for some reason just hearing someone write "my love is with you" is extremely touching to me today. I know the MRI isn't a painful test. I know I won't be hearing anything back today. But this is extremely scary for me. I think it would be scary for anyone.
I want to talk about how blessed I am today. I have lived almost 27 years with absolutely zero health problems. I have never been admitted to a hospital. I've never had one single surgery. I've never been poked or prodded, I've never had to worry about my health. I have had two beautiful children that, so far, have been perfectly healthy. I have a wonderful husband that loves me- and as he has recently said to me, "Anyone problem you have is OUR problem." And that's truly how he feels. He would be with me through thick and thin. He would lovingly take care of me, if that's what I needed. He is my best friend. God couldn't have blessed me more.
I have great insurance that, thank God, is completely paying for my MRI so I don't have to worry about the cost. We have a roof above our heads and a bed to sleep in. We have food to eat and we have each other. And I have my family and friends, that, despite all of my shortcomings, actually really do love me. Amazingly. :p

I have so much to be thankful for. Instead of thinking how unfair it is to have to have these kind of tests at such a young age, I need to remind myself how BLESSED I am already. So so so so so unbelievably blessed.
I love you guys.


Monday, August 24, 2009

MRI scheduled!

Finally! I am now scheduled to have my MRI this Wednesday at 3:15 pm! This is at a place where it should be 100% covered, so that's a relief! Keep me in your prayers!
I did some research on the spot in my eye- which is difficult to explain, therefore difficult to find information on. Interestingly, though, I found it to be remarkably similar to something called a "scintillating scotoma" which is an extremely common visual aura that presents itself before a migraine. The main difference between that and what I have is that scintillating scotomas go away rather quickly whereas mine has stuck around. Obviously I haven't been having headaches, so I looked up 'ocular migraines' which are basically pain-free headaches that cause all the visual symptoms of a classic migraine (which, I might add, can also include things like tingling). From there I did find a group of people on that have almost ALL of my visual symptoms, to a "T." All of these people had normal MRI results and some have since been diagnosed with "persistent visual aura" as a result of ocular migraines. So who knows, I might be onto something. I did read several women who said that it gets obviously worse during hormone fluctuations (periods/childbirth/bc pills/menopause). My symptoms DID start shortly after the birth of my first child. So, again- I might be onto something.
I guess we'll get a lead after the results of my MRI come back. In any case, keep me in your prayers guys!


Got the pictures and dealing with MRI's...

Well, we got our beach pics! If you look on the side of my page you'll see one of my favorites! It has been so hard to pick the ones we want, so we're still sorting all that out.
I had an MRI set up for this Monday at the hospital- until I called my insurance company and found out how much we'd be paying to get it done at the hospital. So I had to cancel that appointment and I'm currently in the process of scheduling the MRI at a private imaging center (where it would be 100% covered by insurance). Definitely worth it!
Update on health- tingling has definitely decreased, but the spot in my eye(s) remains the same. Thankfully it hasn't gotten worse. Please continue to pray that it will go away completely. I really have nothing else to rely on but God.
I am still very scared although obviously most of the time I put on a brave face. I have moments of anxiety/depression that hit me at unexpected times. I am having trouble with trusting God as well. Please keep all of this in mind when you pray.


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Appointment over!

Well I went to my neuro appointment today and it went exactly the way I thought it would go. I went in , explained my symptoms, and the doctor basically said that it COULD be MS, so she wants to take a look at my brain. And if they can't find anything there, they'll work their way down my spinal cord. Fun times.
I don't think I have MS. Although, with my symptoms, at this point it seems like a likely option. But I have met so many people online with my symptoms and all of them had an MRI to check for MS and it came up clear. I am willing to bet that will happen with me.
But, if I DO have MS, then God will give me the strength to deal with that. This week they will call and schedule my MRI which should happen sometime next week or the week after that. Until then, I am putting all of this out of my mind. What good will worrying do? Thanks to whoever is reading this and whoever has prayed for me. They did not do blood work. I am assuming that will come eventually.

FINALLY! Another post!

Hi guys!

Well I finally got around to putting up another post! We've had an eventful weekend. We went down to the beach and got some pictures done of our family this past Saturday. I'd been wanting to do that for ages, and it worked out perfectly because Jacob will be one year old next month. Which is very hard to believe! But I was able to capture him in his "infancy" before toddler-hood strikes. Although he's not looking very 'infant-y' lately! Abi was in a bad mood during the shoot so we're crossing our fingers and hoping we got some good shots of her. The photographer we had was amazing, so we're sure she got some good stuff. Hopefully she will post some 'sneak peaks' of her photo shoot later today and when she does I will post those on the blog. (For all 2 of you who read this...HA!). After we had the photo shoot we just hung out at the beach, did some shopping and had some icecream before driving back home. All in all, it was a really successful day.

On Sunday we went to church where I was put in charge of 19 3-4 year olds with only one other person to help me. And that was my first real day of teaching. WOW that was hard. Note to self: wear sneakers to church when taking care of kids. My feet felt like they were going to fall off. Straight after church we went to a friend's house for her one year old's birthday party. It was nice to just sit down and get a break after that frazzled morning.
Well that pretty much sums up my weekend. Now onto more pressing news regarding my health-
This morning I have a neurologist appt. Right now it's 6.11 am (yeah I can't sleep) and the appt. is at 8:30 am. I will update later after it is over. I am scared although I'm not really sure why. It's not like I'm going to be getting results on any test today or anything. But my stomach is in knots. I have never liked doctors- and when I go to a doctor, I am always paranoid that they will find something wrong with me. Well guess what? They might actually find something wrong with me this time. And that makes me NERVOUS! I'll just be glad when it's over. I'm worried that I won't like this doctor- that she won't be very friendly or that she'll jump to conclusions and scare me. Obviously I'm still worried about my eyes too- that even if they don't find anything with the tests, this eye thing will progressively get worse until I'm blind. Actually, that makes me paranoid. I probably shouldn't even think like that but I can't help where my mind goes.
I've noticed that the tingling in my feet (and just tingling in general) has decreased recently but yet the weird things in my eyes have increased. So I'm thinking that whatever this is seems to jump from one group of nerves to another. (And yes, one of the cranial nerves does effect your visual field).
Anyhow, please pray for me- that God will give me peace today, that God will give the doctor WISDOM, that she'll be kind and understanding, that maybe- just maybe- this can be explained by a simple bloodtest and treated quickly, with no other tests needed. To me that sounds like a loooong shot- but with God, nothing is impossible so please pray for that anyway.
Thanks guys and I'll keep you updated


Monday, August 3, 2009

Appt with neurologist has been scheduled!

Well, last Friday I went to my 2:45 pm appointment. It was a total waste of time- after explaining my laundry list of symptoms the doctor said, "well that's out of my scope. You need to see a neurologist." Then he said, "I won't bother doing any bloodwork as they'll do that at the neurologist's office."
So I basically paid a copay for no reason. Oh well.
Good news is, I received the call today and I have a scheduled appt with a neurologist that the doctor referred me to. It's on Tuesday, Aug 18 at 8:45 am. Not sure how the heck I'm going to get there that early in the morning or what I'll be doing with the kids, but I'll figure it out.
Please, keep praying for me!
I will update asap and I promise my next post will NOT be about my health!!

Friday, July 31, 2009

Doc at 2:45pm

Just a note...

Keep this little girl, Kate, in your prayers!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Frustrating, but....

I've got to believe God has a plan.

Today I got a call from my optometrist's office. They tried to make me an appt with the Neurologist at UNC but apparently they have to review my "referral" and it can be up to a year's wait to get in to see them because they're a "learning facility." Which is irritating...what good is great healthcare in this country if we can't get a hold of it when we need it?!
Anyway, I have decided as a result to go ahead with my doctor's appt tomorrow and get bloodwork done there and then go on and get referred by them to a neurologist that can at least go on and get me an MRI.

But go ahead and PRAY that there is an answer in my bloodwork. Maybe, by some miracle, I won't need an MRI to explain these symptoms. 3 years ago when they did my bloodwork they found nothing. Maybe this time there will be a simple explanation.

Please keep me in your prayers, especially at 2:45 pm tomorrow.
Thanks guys!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Oh, and not to mention...

I have read the bible today. I have started on the "hope journal" which is basically just verses my church gives us every day and asks us to study them.

As I've been reading, here are the things I believe God wanted me to hear...

Isaiah 57
"I have seen his ways, but I will heal him;
I will guide him and restore comfort to him, creating praise on the lips of the mourners in Israel.
Peace, peace, to those far and near,"
says the LORD. "And I will heal them."

Isaiah 58: "Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.

And , ALL of Psalm 103:
Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits- who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases, = who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed. He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel: The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone,and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children- with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts. The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all. Praise the LORD, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word. Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will. Praise the LORD, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.
Praise the LORD, O my soul.

and 2 Peter 3:
But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

Today is a new day

Today I....

-Got up and did not feel sorry for myself
-Immediately got dinner together and put it in the crockpot
-Enjoyed my kids and went for a nice refreshing walk
-listened to some christian music on the radio
-Watched the movie Faith like Potatoes
-Had a nice talk with my mom on the phone
-visited with a friend of mine and was able to give her some good financial advice while taking my mind off of my issues
-smiled and felt at peace for the first time in a few days.

Today I did NOT...
-constantly check my vision for new spots
-shout at my kids
-forget to eat
-constantly whine and ask God, "WHY ME?"
-Listen to the lies of the devil
-Try and sleep my way through the day
-give up my peace of mind.

I'd say today has been a GOOD DAY!!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Went to the Optometrist...

And surprise, surprise there is nothing wrong with my eye. But I do have a very small blindspot. They just can't find what would cause it. Good news is , they have referred me to Dr. Felix, the neurologist. Which means that I can skip out on the visit to the family doc on Friday! One less copay and one less time to explain my laundry list of symptoms.
I went to (an online medical community) and I found a few people that have this blind spot symptom (exactly like mine). One girl in particular had it back in May and went to a neurologist- I have written her to ask her what her outcome was. At least I know I'm not a freak and I'm NOT making this all up- she has EXACTLY what I have!! (as far as the 'blindspot' goes)
What the optometrist DID say was that if it were something big neurologically (as in a tumor or MS) then usually there would be something going on with the optic nerve (there wasn't) or the blind spot would be significantly bigger (it's not). So there it is.
Keep praying for me while I seek answers. My BIGGEST fear is that this blind spot will get bigger or more will appear and they will be powerless to stop it because they cannot figure out what is causing it.

I will continue to keep you updated. I should find out when my neuro appt is today so I will post and let you know.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Eye doc appt today at 4:30pm

Okay, just set up an eye appt. today for my "blind spot." Again, I am very scared. Please pray for me.

Update on doc appt...

I cannot see the neurologist without family doc referral. I called my family doc for one, but they have to see me again (because my last appt for these symptoms was back in 2006). So my first stop is at the family doctor at 2:45 pm on Friday. I will keep you updated.

Something is wrong with me....

And I'm finally going to at least try and figure out what it is. Here is some backgound...

After I had my daughter in 2006 I immediately began having a series of neurological problems that I had never previously experienced in my life. It began literally two days after the birth- the first symptom was a case of bells palsy, which causes temporary partial paralysis of the face. Thankfully that went away after about a week and a half. Some say that pregnancy can be a cause, so we never looked into it that much as it went away on its own.
A few months later I started noticing little first began with my back. I'd always notice, especially in the morning, that it felt like a little piece of tape was stuck to my back when I'd lean over. It would go away in a few minutes. Then, I noticed that my toes would start to tingle (both feet) at random times of the day. Eventually this tingling would make its way to my hands, legs, arms, sometimes even the top of my head. It would last for a few minutes, max. This was occurring on both sides of my body. I also began to notice what felt like raindrops hitting my leg- or the sensation of wetness on my legs when there was nothing there. I went to my family doctor and they did a series of bloodwork tests but all of it came up normal. He didn't feel the need to refer me to a neurologist and told me it was probably all just hormonal and related to the birth (even though at this point I'd given birth almost a year ago). Finally, sometime after a year, my symptoms started to slow down and almost completely go away. But, then I noticed a new symptom. Suddenly I had a huge amount of eye floaters. I mean, I went from having absolutely no floaters to a TON in both eyes within a week. I also noticed that in a dark room, when I moved my eyes I'd see flashes of light. I wasn't convinced that these new symptoms were related to all the tingling, so I just went to the eye doctor. All tests were normal. Optic nerve looked good. Which was what I was worried about because at this point, after hours of searching online, I had already diagnosed myself with multiple sclerosis. Because my eye doc couldn't find a reason for these flashes, he referred me to a retinal specialist. I went, and, as always, tests came back normal. So I was left to believe that this was all in my head. Well, eventually I started seeing just random flashes of light even without eye movement. And my other symptoms just hadn't gone away- so I booked myself an appointment with a local neurologist. I really did just look one up in a phonebook out of desperation. So I went and he did a few tests on me but basically told me he didn't think it was multiple sclerosis or a brain tumor (great) but he thought he'd order up an MRI just in case. Well, after leaving his office I felt a lot better so I went ahead and canceled the MRI- I just felt like we couldn't afford it and after his reassurance I figured it would all just go away.
Well, the floaters never went away and I got used to the occasional flashes. My tingling had almost completely stopped. I figured it was all hormonal, especially after looking up all these other people online with almost identical symptoms. They had all gotten MRI's and all of those MRI's had come up clear and they were just on a rabbit trail, desperate to find a diagnosis. Well, I hate doctors and tests, etc. I wasn't that desperate for a diagnosis. Plus my symptoms seemed to be fading...I figured that everything was fine.
So I got pregnant again when my daughter was 21 months. I had a perfectly healthy pregnancy and a natural birth. My tingling got a little worse when pregnant so I figured it was definitely hormonal and didn't give it much thought. After he was born , I didn't get bells palsy. Everything went beautifully.
The past 10 months I've often worried and thought maybe I should have gotten that MRI. But I prayed to God and said, God, if you want me to get further testing done you are going to have to give me a symptom that I just cannot ignore.
Well, a few days ago, that symptom came. On Saturday, I noticed that when I blinked I saw a perfect little oval shaped ball of light. It was like what you see after looking at a lightbulb for too long. So I figured that must be what it was. So I just waited for it to go away.
Well, it never did. I eventually noticed that this little flash happened mainly when I blinked or sometimes on upgaze. But the thing that really bothered me was- I couldn't see through it. It's like a blindspot in my vision. Thankfully, it is only in one eye. I can never focus on it directly.
I praise God that he was kind enough to give me a symptom that I cannot ignore- but it's a symptom that I can handle. So I made up my mind - I was going to go back to the doctors and try to figure out what I'm dealing with. But where in the world would I go? I knew nothing about neurologists and I had a sneaking suspicion that the last one I had gone to was a bit of a quack.
So we went to church yesterday. I sang, hoping for a healing. It was hard to get my heart into worship. I felt alone and scared. I didn't understand why it was all happening to me. I have two beautiful kids that need me. What if this blind spot gets bigger?? What if I get more of them? I couldn't stop crying. At the end of worship someone got up and said they felt like there were people in the church that were finding it hard to worship God- but God wanted us to know that a time would come where we would truly be able to worship and with our whole heart believe and confess that God is great and he DOES work for the good of those who love him. Obviously, that person he was speaking to was me. I could just feel it.
After the service was over I was desperate to get prayed over. Me, my husband and my two little kids stalked the pastor until I finally just shouted "Pastor Bill!" and got his attention. I told him I desperately needed prayer. He immediately got his wife over to me. She took me aside and I broke down in tears.
I told her I was afraid I had something like multiple sclerosis and I was so scared. She looked at me and said, "I know exactly how you feel." She went on to tell me that she'd had very similar symptoms to mine for years and she'd been to neurologist after neurologist and they diagnosed her with everything under the sun because they couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. She was diagnosed with everything from clinical depression to Multiple Sclerosis. Finally, she went to a new neurologist at UNC. She was diagnosed with B-12 deficiency and she now takes shots and her symptoms went away completely. She was able to refer me to that neurologist and pray for me.
When I'm done writing this blog post, I am calling that doctor and scheduling an appointment. I am scared to death. I don't know if anyone reads this, but if you do, please pray for me. Thank you.

Sunday, July 26, 2009


Please keep him in your prayers...he is having a rough time of it. To read more about him, please click on his button on my page.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Freaks on the internet

Okay, so everyone knows that there are freaks on the internet. Are you a freak? I hope not, but that's not going to stop you from reading my blog.
I'm already brand new to this blog thing and guess what-! I've already encountered freaks! Therefore, I have taken down pictures of myself and my children. I know that a lot of the very popular blogs I read have pictures of their children up for public viewing- but I just can't join in I'm afraid. So, there it is. Pictures off. Back to my reguarly scheduled program.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

My first (kind of) post

Okay, well here I am. My name is "D" and I'm a terrible housewife. I'm also the mommy of 2 children. Abi (short for Abigail) who is almost 3 1/2 , and Jacob who is 10 months old.
And my ramblings begin.

Has anyone else ever had a rushing sound in their ear but they aren't really sure if it's there or not? That's what I noticed last night but I think it might always be there when it's really quiet and I've only just now picked up on it. Great, huh? That means now I can't stop thinking about it. I'm sure I will eventually. Like when I actually leave my cave (the house) and do something productive with the kids. Maybe I'll go to the library today? I don't know.
The thing with libraries is- moms are there. Yes, I'm a mom. But I'm not a "library mom." And yes, they exist. And no, they are not like me. They are different. Library moms are almost always dressed nicely and they have their cup of morning joe in their hands and their stroller in the other. They are usually hanging around other moms that also have a cup of coffee in their hands. They have had time to put make up on in the morning. They utilize every service the public library has to offer. They have not missed one story time from the minute their child was born. They probably even went to storytime BEFORE their child was born, you know, because babies can listen in utero and all that crap. They let their kids dominate the kid section- which means my kid is left on the outskirts, because their kids have all the puzzles. And they know all the library workers- y'know, because at this point those workers have become nannies. And all the while the moms chat about how they found all these wonderful deals at Kohl's. And then I walk in.
I never dress up to go the library. And you better bet, if I'm going to the library, it's before I took a shower. And I don't have coffee in my hand- I probably have a dirty diaper and a bag of cheerios. I have no make up on. My clothes are probably wrinkled. And my daughter is walking around with a wide-eyed expression on her face like, "wow we're at the LIBRARY!"
Looks of disapproval ensue.
Well they can kiss my fat white terrible-housewife butt.

I also hate playdates. Please tell me other moms hate playdates. Because I am stuck in playdate hell in this neighborhood. It's not that I hate the idea of my kid playing with other kids. It's just that I think "playdates" are lame.
Tell me, did you ever have a "Playdate" as a child? Do you EVER remember your mom calling another mom on the phone and asking to have someone over for a "playdate?" NO! That word didn't even exist. You played with the kids on your street. Oh, you didn't have kids on your street? Well then you were that miserable kid sitting on the sewer drain trying to catch lizards. But either way, there was no "playdate." And it doesn't just stop with the kids- playdates are really for moms too. Sometimes, the mom tags along and chit chats with the other mom. Sometimes, you just drop your kids off just to get a break for yourself. Sometimes, there are playGROUPS. Yes, groups. Because one friend just isn't enough. Oh, and make sure you bring a snack for your child and the "host child." Otherwise it's rude. And, if you DO find yourself in a playGROUP- you make sure that you make your child "wash their hands" before snack time. You don't want disapproving looks.
The moms in my neighborhood are playdate crazy. They want to schedule these bad boys in advance. Seriously? Grocery store, check. Mom's birthday, check. Playdate scheduled 2 months in advance- check. WHAT?! I mean honestly- are they going to have to start sending out "save the date" cards now? And if I ask, "hey you want to bring your kid over to play tomorrow?" I get a "let me check my schedule." AGH! You don't know what you're doing tomorrow? What the crap. There goes spontanaeity. And if, by chance, I do decide to go to a playgroup- guess what the moms say. "WOW! Look who's out of the house! We haven't seen you in a long time!" GRR! That's the thing, you know. My 'cave' is in the suburbs. My front door is practically on the sidewalk. Do these ladies notice when I open and close my blinds? Yes, they do. Do they listen for signs of life coming from my fenced in backyard? You bet. They're out there, people. Moving to the country seems like a better idea every minute.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Hi Jo!

A shout out to my one and only follower!!